[1549] Health Fanatic
Guest poem submitted by Ian Barnett, <parole@>:
Around the block, against the clock:
tick tock, tick tock, tick tock;
running out of breath, running out of socks;
rubber on the road; flippety flop;
non-skid agility; chop chop,
no time to hang about!
Work out, health fanatic, work out.
The crack of dawn, lifting weights;
a tell-tale heart reverberates;
high in polyunsaturates,
low in polysaturates;
a Duke of Edinburgh's award awaits.
It's a man's life;
he's a health fanatic; so was his wife.
A one-man war against decay.
Enjoys himself the hard way;
allows himself a Mars a day.
"How old am I? What do I weigh?
Punch me there! Does it hurt? No way!"
Running on the spot, don't get too hot;
he's a health fanatic, that's why not.
Peanut power; stay ahead,
running through the traffic jam taking in the lead.
Hyperactivity keeps him out of bed.
Deep down he'd like to kick it in the head.
They'll regret it when they're dead:
there's more to life than fun;
he's a health fanatic; he's got to run.
Beans, greens and tangerines
and low cholesterol margarines;
his limbs are loose, his teeth are clean;
he's a high octane fresh-air fiend.
You've got to admit he's keen.
What can you do but be impressed;
he's a health fanatic. Give it a rest!
Shadow-boxing; punch the wall;
One-a-side football;
"What's the score?" "One all."
Could have been a copper; too small.
Could have been a jockey; too tall.
Knees up, knees up! Head the ball!
Nervous energy makes him tick;
he's a health fanatic. He makes you sick!
-- John Cooper Clarke
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The poem's by the Mancunian punk počte maudit and has aged very well since
it was penned back in the godforsaken days of Thatcherism. The Dr. Seuss duh
simplicity of some lines set against tripping (as in 'tripping up') metrical
asymmetries (his limbs are loose, his teeth are clean; / he's a high octane
fresh-air fiend. / You've got to admit he's keen.) deliciously evoke
post-modern man stumbling, choking and ultimately croaking through life and
missing the point. This memento mori of our times has me, as I hope it has
you, in stitches! Get it?
Ian.
[this poem is archived, accessible and awaiting your comments at]
http://www.cs.rice.edu/~ssiyer/minstrels/poems/1549.html
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From: kris snow <krisnow18@>
I cannot remember if I already asked for help on this
or not but am trying to find a copy of a poem,
possibly by William Carlos Williams or Wallace
Stevens. At least those are the two names that were
mentioned to me. An elderlly friend is trying to find
this...it is about Grandmothers Last Visit To the
Hospital...she believes that is the title. She can no
longer see well enough to get onto her computer so I
said I would try to find this. Unfortunately I haven't
had any luck. Is there anyone there that might know
what the poem is or where on line I can find her a
copy?
Thank you.
Kris
From: mlynd@
Excellent!
May I also commend to you his "The Hanging Gardens of Basildon"?
http://www.cyberspike.com/clarke/mp3s/basildon.mp3
best wishes,
Mike Lynd
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