// ==============================================
// Copyright 2004 by CodeLifter.com
// Free for all; but please leave in this header.
// ==============================================

var Quotation = new Array();
var Source = new Array();
var Quote_URL = new Array();

function addQuoteLong(quote, src, url) {
    var len = Quotation.length;
    Quotation[len] = quote;
    Source[len] = src;
    Quote_URL[len] = url;
}

function addQuote(quote) {
    addQuoteLong(quote, "", "");
}

function showQuote() {
    var q = Quotation[whichQuotation];
    var s = Source[whichQuotation];
    var u = Quote_URL[whichQuotation];
    document.write("<SPAN class=\"quote\">" + q + "</SPAN>");
    if (s != "") document.write("<SPAN class=\"quotesource\">" + " &nbsp; ");
    if (u != "")
        document.write("<a href=\"" + u + "\">");
    if (s != "") document.write(s);
    else if (u != "") document.write(u);
    if (u != "")
        document.write("</a>");
    if (s != "") document.write("</SPAN>");
}

addQuote("Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.");

addQuote("Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.");

addQuote("A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.");

addQuote("Time flies like an arrow.<br />Fruit flies like a banana.");

addQuote("A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.");

addQuote("What did the grape say when it got stepped on?<br />Nothing, it just let out a little wine.");

addQuote("You didn't hear about the three big holes in the ground?<br />Well, well, well.");

addQuote("A cardboard belt would be a waist of paper.");

addQuote("If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.");

addQuote("To write with a broken pencil is pointless.");

addQuote("Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?<br />He's all right now.");

addQuote("I'm backwards: my feet smell and my nose runs.");

addQuote("Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.");

addQuote("In democracy its your vote that counts. In feudalism its your count that votes.");

addQuote("A criminal's best asset is his lie ability.");

addQuote("The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.");

addQuote("Once you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.");

addQuote("With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.");

addQuote("A backwards poet writes inverse.");

addQuote("Two robbers with clubs went golfing, but they didn't play the fairway.");

addQuote("They tried to keep a locksmith in prison, but the nut bolted.");

addQuote("It wasn't school John disliked it was just the principal of it.");

addQuote("Did you hear about the guy who got a job at the orange juice factory?<br />It's too bad, he was canned because he couldn't concentrate.");

addQuote("Ancient orators tended to Babylon.");

addQuote("Alcohol and calculus don't mix -- please don't drink and derive.");

addQuote("Old doctors never die they just lose their patience.");

addQuote("At first I hated my haircut, but now it's growing on me.");

addQuote("A toothless termite walked into a tavern and said, \"Is the bar tender here?\"");

addQuote("Seven days without a pun makes one weak.");

addQuote("An archaeologist's career ended in ruins.");

addQuote("On the shelf there are ten math books, five geography books, and the rest is history.");

addQuote("In the winter my dog wears his coat, but in the summer he wears his coat and pants.");

addQuote("An illiterate fisherman was lost at c.");

addQuote("Did you hear about the fire at the circus? The heat was in tents.");

addQuote("Thirsty jokers can be seen waiting in the punch line.");

addQuote("Vinyl records are really groovy.");

addQuote("A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.");

addQuote("When the human cannonball retired they couldn't find a replacement of the right caliber.");

addQuote("A waist is a terrible thing to mind.");

addQuote("If the residents of a town have low IQ is the population dense?");

addQuote("A butcher shop opened on the 10th floor. The steaks were high.");

addQuote("Two fish are in a tank.  One turns to the other and says \"Do you know how to drive this thing?\"");

addQuote("A melon said to his girlfriend, \"Let's run away and get married!\"<br />She replied, \"I cantelope!\"");

addQuote("Have you heard about the new corduroy pillows?<br />They're making headlines!");

addQuote("Did you heard that NASA found skeletal remains on the moon?<br />Yeah, it's too bad, the cow didn't make it.");


// Select a random quote
var Q = Quotation.length;
var whichQuotation=Math.round(Math.random()*(Q-1));