[1316] Lobachevsky
Guest poem sent in by Matt Chanoff <mattchanoff@>
Who made me the genius I am today,
The mathematician that others all quote,
Who's the professor that made me that way?
The greatest that ever got chalk on his coat.
One man deserves the credit,
One man deserves the blame,
and Nicolai Ivanovich Lobachevsky is his name. Oy!
Nicolai Ivanovich Lobache...
I am never forget the day I first meet the great Lobachevsky.
In one word he told me secret of success in mathematics: Plagiarize!
Plagiarize,
Let no one else's work evade your eyes,
Remember why the good Lord made your eyes,
So don't shade your eyes,
But plagiarize, plagiarize, plagiarize...
Only be sure always to call it please "research".
And ever since I meet this man my life is not the same,
And Nicolai Ivanovich Lobachevsky is his name. Oy!
Nicolai Ivanovich Lobache...
I am never forget the day I am given first original paper to write. It
was on analytic and algebraic topology of locally Euclidean metrization
of infinitely differentiable Riemannian manifold.
Bozhe moi!
This I know from nothing.
But I think of great Lobachevsky and I get idea - haha!
I have a friend in Minsk,
Who has a friend in Pinsk,
Whose friend in Omsk
Has friend in Tomsk
With friend in Akmolinsk.
His friend in Alexandrovsk
Has friend in Petropavlovsk,
Whose friend somehow
Is solving now
The problem in Dnepropetrovsk.
And when his work is done -
Haha! - begins the fun.
From Dnepropetrovsk
To Petropavlovsk,
By way of Iliysk,
And Novorossiysk,
To Alexandrovsk to Akmolinsk
To Tomsk to Omsk
To Pinsk to Minsk
To me the news will run,
Yes, to me the news will run!
And then I write
By morning, night,
And afternoon,
And pretty soon
My name in Dnepropetrovsk is cursed,
When he finds out I published first!
And who made me a big success
And brought me wealth and fame?
Nicolai Ivanovich Lobachevsky is his name. Oy!
Nicolai Ivanovich Lobache...
I am never forget the day my first book is published.
Every chapter I stole from somewhere else.
Index I copy from old Vladivostok telephone directory.
This book, this book was sensational!
Pravda - ah, Pravda - Pravda said: (Russian double-talk)
It stinks.
But Izvestia! Izvestia said: (Russian double-talk)
It stinks.
Metro-Goldwyn-Moskva bought the movie rights for six million rubles,
Changing title to 'The Eternal Triangle',
With Brigitte Bardot playing part of hypotenuse.
And who deserves the credit?
And who deserves the blame?
Nicolai Ivanovich Lobachevsky is his name.
Oy!
-- Tom Lehrer
|
This current mathematical theme made me think that it's time once again for
Minstrels to put out something by the great Tom Lehrer. The following was
referred to in the commentary on Lehrer's one previous appearance, Poem #490,
The Elements. The Elements is more interesting poetically, but on the
other hand, this one is funnier. Attached to #490 you can also find links
for info on this peculiar genius, who, three decades after he stopped
performing publically, still leaves us wanting more.
Matt Chanoff
[Martin adds]
This one really, really, really needs to be listened to to be fully
appreciated. It's not just the music - the performance is sidesplittingly
funny, and maintains the mix of patter and singing most impressively.
Luckily for the current generation, Lehrer's works have been recenely
reissued in a three CD box set titled "The Remains of Tom Lehrer". Highly
recommended.
martin
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[this poem is archived, accessible and awaiting your comments at]
http://www.cs.rice.edu/~ssiyer/minstrels/poems/1316.html
To subscribe, send a blank mail to <minstrels-subscribe@>.
From: nick blackburn <nick_blackburn@>
Poisoning Pigeons is even better:
All the world seems in tune
On a Spring afternoon
When we're poisoning pigeons in the park
And maybe we'll do in
A squirrel or two
When we're poisoning pigeons in the park
We'll murder them all
Amid laughter and merriment
Apart from the few we take home to experiment.
etc.
Cheers
Nick
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From: nick blackburn <nick_blackburn@>
p.s. whatever happened to my Snap Dragon collection?
I spent hours on that.
Nick
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From: "Manu Varma" <manu@>
I listened to a version of the song just now. Amazing stuff.
Just a note - the actress mentioned in the version I am listening to is
Ingrid Bergman and nor Bridget Bardot.
mnu.
From: Ruth Temple <ruthtemple@>
Tom Lehrer is still teaching math at UC Santa Cruz, and apparently also has
given a seminar on contemporary American satire, admission to which is by
audition!
best
Ruth Temple
From: Martin DeMello <martindemello@>
"There is more connection between geographical place-names and poetical
inspiration than is generally recognized; one of the chief reasons why there
are so few really great poems about Russia in our language is that you can't
possibly get a rhyme to names like Smolensk and Tobolsk and Minsk."
Clovis spoke with the authority of one who has tried.
"Of course, you could rhyme Omsk with Tomsk," he continued; "in fact, they seem
to be there for that purpose, but the public wouldn't stand that sort of thing
indefinitely."
-- Saki, "The Recessional"
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