[1436] I Cannot Live with You

Guest poem sent in by Aseem <mithwarg@>

I cannot live with you,
It would be life,
And life is over there
Behind the shelf

The sexton keeps the key to,
Putting up
Our life, his porcelain,
Like a cup

Discarded of the housewife,
Quaint or broken;
A newer Sevres pleases,
Old ones crack.

I could not die with you,
For one must wait
To shut the other's gaze down,--
You could not.

And I, could I stand by
And see you freeze,
Without my right of frost,
Death's privilege?

Nor could I rise with you,
Because your face
Would put out Jesus'.
That new grace

Glow plain and foreign
On my homesick eye,
Except that you, than he
Shone closer by.

They'd judge us--how?
For you served Heaven, you know
Or sought to;
I could not,

Because you saturated sight,
And I had no more eyes
For sordid excellence
As Paradise.

And were you lost, I would be,
Though my name
Rang loudest
On the heavenly fame.

And were you saved,
And I condemned to be
Where you were not,
That self were hell to me.

So we must keep apart,
You there, I here,
With just the door ajar
That oceans are,
And prayer,
And that pale sustenance,
Despair!

 	-- Emily Dickinson.

It's difficult to have a "favourite" Emily Dickinson poem, because
every one of her poems is radiant with intensity, so that reading her
collected works (as i've been doing this week) is like watching a
beautiful crystal shatter into a million exquisite pieces, each shining
brilliant in the sunlight.

If I had to pick a favourite though, it would be this one - not because
it's the most accomplished of her work, but because somehow it's always
seemed to me the most desperate, and therefore the most heartfelt. This
is the most despairing a love poem has ever been, even a Dickinson love
poem. I love the matter of factness of the first stanza, the spine
chilling casualness of "Old ones crack". Strangely, it's a starting
that always drives me taut with rage, with indignation, like I want to
break open every locked shelf and smash all the china in the world. And
I love the way Dickinson goes on to throw away line after memorable
line ("My right of frost / Death's privilege" or "Only the door ajar /
that oceans are").

But if this is an overwhelmingly sad poem, it is also an incredible
love poem. Dickinson surrenders to everything, accepts every part of
the hopeless truth, every aching mile of her seperation, but never lets
her love waver. Hers is a sinewy and courageous passion, one that I
cannot help be moved by. And because of it, this is a great poem.

Aseem

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From: Nomad <nomad@>

MOST excellent choice! One of my favorites too. It tears your heart out.

Chris