[1577] I Had a Hippopotamus
I had a hippopotamus; I kept him in a shed
And fed him upon vitamins and vegetable bread.
I made him my companion on many cheery walks,
And had his portrait done by a celebrity in chalks.
His charming eccentricities were known on every side.
The creature's popularity was wonderfully wide.
He frolicked with the Rector in a dozen friendly tussles,
Who could not but remark on his hippopotamuscles.
If he should be affected by depression or the dumps
By hippopotameasles or hippopotamumps
I never knew a particle of peace 'till it was plain
He was hippopotamasticating properly again.
I had a hippopotamus, I loved him as a friend
But beautiful relationships are bound to end.
Time takes, alas! our joys from us and robs us of our blisses.
My hippopotamus turned out to be a hippopotamissus.
My housekeeper regarded him with jaundice in her eye.
She did not want a colony of hippopotami.
She borrowed a machine gun from her soldier-nephew, Percy
And showed my hippopotamus no hippopotamercy.
My house now lacks the glamour that the charming creature gave.
The garage where I kept him is as silent as a grave.
No longer he displays among the motor-tires and spanners
His hippopotamastery of hippopotamanners.
No longer now he gambols in the orchard in the Spring;
No longer do I lead him through the village on a string;
No longer in the mornings does the neighborhood rejoice
To his hippopotamusically-modulated voice.
I had a hippopotamus, but nothing upon the earth
Is constant in its happiness or lasting in its mirth.
No life that's joyful can be strong enough to smother
My sorrow for what might have been a hippopotamother.
-- Patrick Barrington
|
Many thanks to Prabhash Gokaran <prabhash@>, who went through
our hippo theme [Poem #844 onwards] and wanted to know why the funniest one
of the lot was not included. Well, the simple answer is that at the time I
had never read it before - and, with a little prodding from Prabhash, I'm
delighted to finally add it to the collection.
Of course, one of the first things I was struck by was the similarity of the
opening lines to "The Diplomatic Platypus" [Poem #1028] by the same poet,
but apart from this and a similarity of metre, "Hippopotamus" is a different
sort of silliness from "Platypus". Indeed, it leans more towards the
"children's poem" end of the spectrum, with its plethora of hippopotamorped
words and delightfully contrived rhymes, and the sheer delicious
ruthlessness of
She borrowed a machine gun from her soldier-nephew, Percy
And showed my hippopotamus no hippopotamercy.
One thing that jarred slightly was the broken metre in the lines
Who could not but remark on his hippopotamuscles.
and
My hippopotamus turned out to be a hippopotamissus.
Could someone with a print copy confirm that these are indeed accurate?
martin
[Links]
The other poem this reminded me (tangentially) of was "I Had a Little Pony":
http://www.amherst.edu/~rjyanco/literature/mothergoose/rhymes/ihadalittlepony.html
We've run one other poem of Barrington's, Poem #1028
And what is surely the motherlode of hippo poems on the net:
http://members.aol.com/HippoPage/hipppoem.htm
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From: William Grey <wgrey@>
Given the inclusion of six hippopotamus poems already (by Hillaire Belloc,
Poem #124; Oliver Herford, Poem # 844; Shel Silverstein, Poem # 845; T.S.
Eliot, Poem #846; Rupert Brooke, Poem # 847; and Ogden Nash, Poem # 848) --
the offering by Patrick Barrington (1909-1990) was overdue. As well as
Barrington's 'Diplomatic Platypus' , Poem #1028, we've also had 'My Love
is a Theosophist' (Poem #1551), which revealed Barrington's eccentric
choice of a lover. 'I Had a Hippopotomus' expresses an equally eccentric
preference of a pet. (Barrington, I presume, was aware of just what
irascible and dangerous animals hippopotamuses are, however comical their
appearance.) Barrington, I believe, was the first poet to make inspired and
sustained use of the hippopota-prefix.
A technical query: should Barrington have changed to the female pronoun
after the discovery of the hippopota-gender in the fourth stanza?
Like other examples of Barrington's whimsical verse, it appeared in the
English humorous magazine <i>Punch</i>, and was published in <i>Songs of a
Sub-Man</i> (London: Methuen & Company Limited, 1934). (The title
presumably parodies Nietzsche's "overman" -- ubermensch. Barrington
sketches more than one credible untermensch.) I append a copy of 'I Had a
Hippopotamus', which includes a number of corrections, from that text.
William Grey
*********************************************************
I Had a Hippopotamus
I had a hippopotamus; I kept him in a shed
And fed him upon vitamins and vegetable bread;
I made him my companion on many cheery walks
And had his portrait done by a celebrity in chalks.
His charming eccentricities were known on every side,
The creature's popularity was wonderfully wide;
He frolicked with the Rector in a dozen friendly tussles,
Who could not but remark upon his hippopotamuscles.
If he should be afflicted by depression or the dumps,
By hippopotameasles or the hippopotamumps,
I never knew a particle of peace till it was plain
He was hippopotamasticating properly again.
I had a hippopotamus; I loved him as a friend;
But beautiful relationships are bound to have an end;
Time takes, alas! our joys from us and robs us of our blisses;
My hippopotamus turned out a hippopotamissis.
My housekeeper regarded him with jaundice in her eye;
She did not want a colony of hippotami;
She borrowed a machine-gun from her soldier-nephew, Percy,
And showed my hippopotamus no hippopotamercy.
My house now lacks that glamour that the charming creature gave,
The garage where I kept him is as silent as the grave;
No longer he displays among the motor-tyres and spanners
His hippopotomastery of hippopotamanners.
No longer now he gambles in the orchard in the Spring;
No longer do I lead him through the village on a string;
No longer in the mornings does the neighbourhood rejoice
To his hippopotamusically-modulated voice.
I had a hippopotamus; but nothing upon earth
Is constant in its happiness or lasting in its mirth.
No joy that life can give me can be strong enough to smother
My sorrow for that might-have-been-a-hippopota-mother.
Patrick Barrington
From: William Grey <wgrey@>
PS. Oh dear! I thought I had transcribed the Barrington poem with
meticulous care. However I find that my "corrections" introduced further
errors. Some of them are fairly minor mistakes, e.g. punctuation. But an
error is an error, and should be corrected. So, with the benefit of a
competent proof-reader, I submit the following lines to replace the ones
sent earlier, as appropriate -- one line from each of the last five stanzas
of the poem:
But beautiful relationships are bound to have an end.
She did not want a colony of hippopotami;
My house now lacks the glamour that the charming creature gave,
No longer now he gambols in the orchard in the Spring;
My sorrow for that might-have-been-a-hippopotamother.
William Grey
*********************************************************
From: "Mark F. Bean" <sabia@>
From: "louis mulvey" <loteklouis@>
line 8 .. replace ON ..with..UPON .... then it scans.
From: "louis mulvey" <loteklouis@>
line 8 ....... replace ON with UPON. Then it scans.This is the version i
learned as a kid.1964.
From: stephen campbell <stevecc@>