[603] Marriages Are Made

Guest poem sent in by Suresh Ramasubramanian <suresh@>

Here's yet another of my favorites ... with a (longish) commentary below. My
colleague Deepa Balakrishnan re-introduced me to Eunice deSouza's poetry
(after a gap of at least six years) with a poem on the cat theme (which I
sent y'all some weeks back).  Stumbled on another poem, which I'd like to
share with y'alll.

My cousin Elena
is to be married
The formalities
have been completed:
her family history examined
for T.B. and madness
her father declared solvent
her eyes examined for squints
her teeth for cavities
her stools for the possible
non-Brahmin worm.
She's not quite tall enough
and not quite full enough
(children will take care of that)
Her complexion it was decided
would compensate, being just about
the right shade
of rightness
to do justice to
Francisco X. Noronha Prabhu
good son of Mother Church.

  	-- Eunice deSouza

Wonderfully biting sarcasm and a sharp eye for the 'marriage market' of
conservative (or rather stick in the mud, male chauvinistic) India - where
prospective brides are examined like cattle being brought into a market.

The poem is characteristic deSouza - a plain tale told without any
unnecessary conceits and embellishments, letting well chosen, hard hitting
words speak for themselves.  Yes - speak for themselves - for this poem
(like all deSouza's poems) is best enjoyed when read aloud.

If Keats' poetry is like a fine, old, mellow wine, Eunice deSouza's poetry
is like a good single malt - sharp, biting, harsh to the taste - but
equally enjoyable.

Ms.deSouza has been Head of the Department of English in St.Xaviers
College, Bombay for over 25 years - and is also a leading theater /
literary critic.

Most of her poems have a strong sense of individuality and feminism, and
Several of them (such as this one) are also 'catholic poems' - which take
us on a deeply cynical tour around her Goan / Roman Catholic community, as
also the conservatism of Pune, where she was brought up after she lost her
father at the age of three.

These two short poems she wrote speak far louder than any commentary ..

Don't Look for my life in these poems

	Poems can have order, sanity
	aesthetic distance from debris.
	All I've learnt from pain
	I always knew,
	but could not do.

[and]

My Students ...
	My students think it funny
	that Daruwallas and de Souzas
	should write poetry.
	Poetry is faery lands forlorn.
	Women writers Miss Austen.
	Only foreign men air their crotches

Daruwalla of course being Keki Daruwalla - a retired (and high ranking)
police officer I think, and another of India's best contemporary poets.

Finally, here's a stanza from her poem  'deSouza Prabhu' - which gives us
a little more insight into her (of course, keeping that 'Don't look for my
life in these poems' caveat above)

<http://www.indiaworld.co.in/open/rec/poetry/eunice3.html>

	I heard it said
	my parents wanted a boy
	I've done my best to qualify.
	I hid the bloodstains
	on my clothes
	and let my breasts sag.
	Words the weapon
	to crucify.

--
Suresh Ramasubramanian + suresh@
Friday@ + http://kcircle.com

From: "Pratim Putatunda" <prat_trap@>

Hi,
While I've read Eunice D'Souza and  consider her fairly good -- I find
her themes rather cliched. All about the stereotypical downtrodden women
and that sort of thing. Personally, I dislike female victimisation
themes -- especially in poetry. Prose is enough to express that angst.
Besides, I suspect poets like Ms deSouza try to make use of such themes
because they know they'll sell.

Indian women of her milieu have broken the shackles and really nothing
need hold them back except themselves and their sense of victimisation.
Personally, I prefer Indian writers, especially women writers, that
reflect the real Indian woman - she's strong, full of gumption, guts and
grit, and quite willing to take on the patriarchal male scene on her
terms. While I'm not suggesting that everything is hunky-dory out here,
it is however equally true that as compared to other equivalent
patriarchal societies - including Japan where women are merely dolls
despite their economic emancipation - and especially, say, in muslim
countries -- the Indian woman is miles ahead. I mean women are not even
allowed to drive a car in Kuwait which is supposed to be amongst the
more emancipated, moderate muslim states. And they are still far from
getting the right to vote.

 While it's true the custom of "seeing" the prospective bride is still
prevalent in India, but the days of checking her out like cattle is in
the past. These days it's more about the girl and the boy and their
families meeting each other where the boy is as much under scrutiny as
the girl. This custom still prevails because Indian society -- like most
non-western societies -- does not have the dating system as in the west.
But tell me, don't the western boy and girl size each other up when they
date? Besides, the westernised, educated Indian youth have been dating,
falling in love, getting married and living happily ever after, or
divorcing, for a long time now. Most of my friends including me have had
"love marriages" as opposed to "arranged marriages" -- and I'm in my
forties.