'Mean Mr. Mustard / Polythene Pam'

Mean Mister Mustard sleeps in the park
Shaves in the dark trying to save paper
Sleeps in a hole in the road
Saving up to buy some clothes
Keeps a ten-bob note up his nose
Such a mean old man
Such a mean old man.

His sister Pam works in a shop
She never stops, she's a go-getter
Takes him out to look at the Queen
Only place that he's ever been
Always shouts out something obscene
Such a dirty old man
Dirty old man.


Well you should see Polythene Pam
She's so good-looking but she looks like a man
Well you should see her in drag dressed in her polythene bag
Yes you should see Polythene Pam.
Yeah yeah yeah!

Get a dose of her in jackboots and kilt
She's killer-diller when she's dressed to the hilt
She's the kind of a girl that makes the 'News of the World'
Yes you could say she was attractively built.
Yeah yeah yeah!

     -- John Lennon