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Scientific Truths
If you've seen these before, well, here they are again :)
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A Review of Scientific Knowledge
The beguiling ideas about science quoted here were gleaned from essays,
exams, and class room discussions; most were from fifth- and sixth-graders.
They illustrate Mark Twain's contention that the "most interesting
information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop."
Question: What is one horsepower?
Answer: One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500
feet in one second.
Talc is found in rocks and on babies.
When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with
atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with
explosions.
Clouds are high flying fogs.
Rainbows are just to look at, not to really understand.
While the earth seems to be knowingly keeping its distance from the sun, it
is really only centrificating.
Some day we may discover how to make magnets that can point in any
direction.
South America has cold summers and hot winters, but somehow they still
manage.
Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change back
into a sun in the daytime.
Water freezes at 32 degrees and boils at 212 degrees. There are 180 degrees
between freezing and boiling because there are 180 degrees between north and
south.
A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to
go.
Lime is a green-tasting rock.
Many dead animals of the past changed to fossils while others preferred to
be oil.
Some oxygen molecules help fires burn while others help make water, so
sometimes it's brother against brother.
To most people solutions mean finding the answers. But to chemists solutions
are things that are still all mixed up.
In looking at a drop of water under a microscope, we find there are twice as
many H's as O's.
Clouds just keep circling the Earth around and around. And around. There is
not much else to do.
When there is fog, you might as well not mind looking at it.
Humidity is the experience of looking for air and finding water.
We keep track of the humidity in the air so we won't drown when we breath.
In making rain water, it takes everything from H to O.
When rain water strikes forest fires, it heckstingwishes them. Luckily it
affects we of the humans unlike that.
Rain is often spoken of as soft water, oppositely known as hail.
Cyanide is so poisonous that one drop of it on a dog's tongue will kill the
strongest man.
A blizzard is when it snows sideways.
A hurricane is a breeze of a bigly size.
A monsoon is a French gentleman.
A thunderstorm is like a shower, only moreso.
Thunder is a rich source of loudness.
Isotherms and isobars are even more important than their names sound.
The wind is like the air, only pushier.
Question: In what ways are we dependant on the sun?
Answer: We can always depend on the sun for sunburn and tidal waves.
Until it is decided whether tornadoes are typhoons or hurricanes, we must
continue to call them tornadoes.
When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire.
H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.
To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.
When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state.
Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin.
Hydrogin is gin and water.
Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars.
Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then
expectoration.
The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader.
Artifical insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the
bull.
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them
perspire.
A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
The body consists of three parts- the brainium, the borax and the abominable
cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and
lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are
five - a, e, i, o, and u.
The pistol of a flower is its only protections agenst insects.
The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana. The
skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the
outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to
hitch meat to.
A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two
molars, and eight cuspidors.
The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards
the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum.
I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.
Many women believe that an alcoholic binge will have no ill effects on the
unborn fetus, but that is a large misconception.
Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa.
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
Liter: A nest of young puppies.
Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat.
Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away.
Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky.
Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
Vacumm: A large, empty space where the pope lives. :-0
Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or
negative.
To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower then the body until the heart
stops.
For drowning: Climb on top of the person and move up and down to make
artifical perspiration.
For fainting: Rub the person's chest or, if a lady, rub her arm above the
hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest medical
doctor.
For dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered,
then kill it.
To prevent contraception: wear a condominium.
For head cold: use an agonizer to spray the nose untill it drops in your
throat.
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