Kids Say The Darndest Things

[tundra@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx (Tim Daneliuk)]

POLICE # 1 

While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was
interrupted by a little girl about six years old.  Looking up and down at
my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" "Yes," I answered and continued
writing the report. "My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask
the police. Is that right?" "Yes, that's right," I told her. "Well, then,"
she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"

POLICE # 2 

It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the
station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking,
and I saw a little boy staring in at me. "Is that a dog you got back
there?" he asked. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me
and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?"

ELDERLY

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins,
I used to take my four-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was
unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly
the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair
of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable
barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy
will never believe this!"

DRESS-UP 

A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw
her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that
suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a
headache next morning."

DEATH 

While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard
the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently,
his five-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling
that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and
cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the
deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers
and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his
father always said: "Glory be unto the Faaaather. .and unto the Sonnn
. ...... and into the hole he gooooes."

SCHOOL 

A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just
wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write -
and they won't let me talk!"

BIBLE 

A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered
through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He
picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that
had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found", the
boy called out. "What have you got there, dear"? With astonishment in
the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!"