Penis Length Survey

[Scott Turner <srt@xxxxxxxxxxx>]

Penis Length Survey

Men are notorious liars about their penis length, so I have devised the
following foolproof test.

  1.  Disrobe and stand by your keyboard.  Rest your left testicle in
      the rounded hollow on top of the "1" key.  Rest your right
      testicle in the key immediately below that (the Q key on a
      standard keyboard, probably something different on the Dvorak
      keyboard.  You lumberjacks may have to use the A or even the Z
      key).

  2.  Grasp your *thing* in your right hand and slap it firmly across
      the number key row on your keyboard.  (For instance, my result is
      "1234567890-+" the backspace key removes the `.)

  3.  Place a copy of the June, 1981 Playboy open to the centerfold at
      a distance of 2.5 feet.  Rest your _thing_ on the keyboard and
      stare intently at the girl pictured for five minutes or until
      your feet leave the ground.  Repeat the above test.

  4.  Please post your results to net.general and I'll summarize to
      everyone on the net by personal mail.

Cautions

  1.  Do not attempt this test after swimming.  You will skew the
      results.

  2.  Black men may wish to use a special extended keyboard; or place
      two keyboards end to end.

  3.  If you try this test on a public keyboard, you may want to swab
      it down with alcohol first.

  4.  On some keyboards, severe sparking may result.  Be sure to keep a
      fire extinguisher handy, and DON'T BE AFRAID TO USE IT.

Remember, Larry Bud Melman is not an attorney.

Incidentally, this test can also be used to diagnose some genital
disorders:
Test Results              Diagnosis

 1                            You suffer from Short Penis Syndrome

 12367                        You have a strange gap in your penis

 12efgbn                      Your penis has a right hand bend; sometimes called Jerker's Lean.

 12wgui,l=]\                  Seek immediate medical care.


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Copyright by Scott Turner, reproduced with permission.